Intention And Reflection
I wanted to do something relatively longer and unknown. I wanted to see what I could do under certain conditions: at this distance and duration, in this weather, wearing and carrying this amount of gear… I didn’t know and largely wasn’t concerned with how it would go or what the ultimate outcome would be. I wanted to see what would happen to my body and mind. I wanted an experience and to learn about myself.
I decided to walk from Fonda to Glenville. I got dropped off at a gas station about 7:00 am, in an area I’d never been to before, and started walking. Among spare layers and other gear I carried more than enough water, four bananas, and two peanut butter sandwiches.
I had a few goals: move as continuously as possible, and not eat or drink. I wanted to monitor myself, and given the conditions, see how my systems responded and performed without fuel. I wanted to keep telling my mind and body to keep going unless or until the monitoring triggered what I would recognize as a legitimate alarm; I didn’t want consumption before consuming became necessary. I carried what I deemed, if it came down to needing it, to be sufficient fuel, but knowing that willpower is a finite resource that when facing excess can drain exponentially, not so much that I might consume too much or too early.
My walking was relatively continuous and complete stops were brief and infrequent. Almost all actions involving my pack were done by either carrying it in one hand while working with the other, and or by getting what I needed and then putting it back on finishing on the move. I ate both sandwiches and one banana about four hours into the day, but never drank any water.
It was interesting listening to my thoughts and paying attention to my body throughout the day. A few observations and anecdotes:
After a while I started craving things I haven’t had or even thought about having in years. Among the plentiful roadside litter I saw a bottle of root beer and thought, “I could really go for a root beer right now”. Later I saw another bottle of root beer and thought, “Yeah, I could really go for a root beer right now”, followed closely by, “Wow, I’ve really been thinking about drinking root beer”. I reacted similarly after seeing a can of ginger ale and some old french fries, and also fondly remembered a specific can of cider which has been sitting untouched and uncared for in the fridge at home for quite some time. The last liquid-centric thought came upon seeing a can of spiked Arnold Palmer. I said to myself,” Well I could do without the alcohol, but iced tea and lemonade sound really, really good right now”.
It seemed that every train passing by was heading west; I don’t remember seeing an eastbound train until several hours in. When one, and it was a passenger train, finally did, I said out loud, “Take me with you!” I then smiled, realizing that those were the first words I’d spoken in quite a while.
There were two tense experiences with dogs: the first one probably made me jump, and definitely scared the crap out of me. A dog began barking and jumping madly. It broke the monotonous rhythm like a gunshot and instantly changed the moment from impartially rhythmic to fight or flight. I crouched slightly, head whipped to the left, and my hand reached for a pocket containing a particularly sharp and potentially helpful object. The dog kept barking and jumping. No one appeared to be home. The dog was behind a fence, but I deemed it capable of clearing the fence if it really wanted to. I backed away slowly, keeping my eyes on the dog and my hand in my pocket. This event stole my attention.
The second dog announced itself with a low growl. It looked down at me from a sloped driveway. My head shot up, it took a step closer, and I yelled out. Its owner came to the mouth of the garage. It came closer, and only then did he yell at it to stop. I kept walking, dog and owner shrinking from sight behind a ridge. It growled again and ran out into the yard, then the owner yelled louder and the dog came back. Had the owner not been there I’m not sure what would have happened. This event really stole my attention.
There were a few song lyrics flowing through my brain. I’m not sure at what point my movement shifted from conscious control to autopilot. There weren’t any intentional or unintentional changes in speed or cadence. My body was emptying but my brain knew what my body needed to do. Everything below my knees was sore, and my calves started cramping around the seven hour mark. Thoughts became murkier, likely because of dehydration. The thoughts that did filter through were largely about the fluids getting closer and closer with each step. It was interesting monitoring these and other changes that occurred throughout the day.
I did this for psychological and physiological reasons, and the former largely controls the latter. I did this because I didn’t know how it would go, and each piece or ultimate outcome would teach me something. I did this to learn how I can better handle myself mentally and physically - to learn what I can do. I did this to learn more about who I am.
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Image 1: use what you know and accept what you don’t. Live, learn, and breathe.
Image 2: pillars, engines, vessels.
Image 3: there is a lot of waste and weakness in the world; you don’t need to buy in. There are a lot of hollow and broken souls in the world; you don’t need to be one.
Walking from Fonda to Glenville
Distance covered: 27.9 miles
Elapsed time: 9 hours and 22 minutes
Sunday March 24th, 2019