Circles
I don't trust or make friends easily. I am inclined towards honesty and believing in people, but I don't easily forget or forgive if that openness is mistreated or disrespected.
I have a certain confidence and I tell myself that I possess a certain awareness. It's hard for me to explain what that means, but I don't see that much more of them around. Stemming from that confidence and awareness are certain values and standards I'm unwilling to compromise on. One example is my knowing that I don't have to settle for the substandard or spend time engaging with those who are or may be. I know that solving problems requires looking inward and therefore I can't trust people who direct all blame outward. Responsibility can't be shared if any party is unaware or incapable of shouldering anything.
I know there is a lot I don't know and that I make plenty of mistakes. I know I have certain traits that can at times make me not the easiest person to connect or communicate with. But I also know what I'm capable of and it's hard for me to trust those who don't know what they're capable of. Many people make and have and overvalue numerous acquaintances, but meaningful relationships and true friendships are rare; because they must be built.
My circle is knowingly and willingly small. And while it will change and may even grow over time, I'm okay with that.
Author’s Note
Everyone trusts different people differently; no one trusts everyone to the same degree. We trust certain people with certain kinds of things and other people with other kinds of things (and we trust some people not at all). People with greater self-awareness are more trustworthy than people with less or who lie about themselves. In the realm of capability either you have proven it or you have not; either you have pushed hard enough to know where your edges are or you have not. The person who has pushed to their edges and learned from it (and is honest about what they learned) is more trustworthy than the person who may have greater capability than themselves but who has not pushed to their edges and learned from it. Regardless, both are more trustworthy than people who do not push themselves at all.